Quiet, lovely days

This is the kind of day I imagined when I pictured myself staying home with children. The morning started with an ordinary breakfast of cereal and toast for me and the kiddos, followed by some quiet play time and me doing the dishes. The girls have colds, so no school for Livy and no plans with friends either. Malia was down for a nap early, so Liv and I enjoyed a cup of tea and a little craft time, which ended up including glitter (um...who invented this insidious stuff? It's in every crack and crevice and I even have some stuck to my cheek and cannot for the life of me rub it off!) I thought I was so smart to do the glitter outside, forgetting that my child would be wearing much of the glitter when the art project was completed. Now the patio and my kitchen floor are covered in minute speckles of red, yellow and green.

Mid-morning was spent online organizing some meals for my friend Kristen who just had her baby (welcome Junebug!) and researching gift ideas for my cousin-in-law Justine, who is graduating from high school (!) in just a few days, while Liv watched the movie "Alice in Wonderland" for the first time. I won't go into the fact that when I met Paul, his God-daughter Justine was in something like second grade...ah-yah how time flies!

But my favorite part of the day was lunch time. Livy washed the grapes, then crunched on celery while I prepared some chicken salad for myself. She wasn't sold on the chicken salad, but still helped me mix in the mayo, apples, celery and curry powder and gamely took a bite when my sandwich was all put together. She stood at the island as I made our sandwiches (her turkey and cheese with mayo on wheat with grapes on the side, my chicken salad on wheat with grapes as well) and we chatted and laughed and played her favorite game of late ("I love you in the morning", "I love you in the dark", etc.) Very sweet game for a very sweet morning together. No, three is not the easiest age, but it is a very loveable and fun age full of imagination, intensity and love.

The Bookworm Strikes Again

What a month of literary madness! I'm amazed I got anything done or even peeked my nose out of my books long enough to make conversation and participate in the world around me. I've read some FABULOUS books though:

Olive Kitteredge
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Twilight Series (all four books)
Certain Girls

Quite a variety...a little vampire teen romance, a little Pulitzer Prize winning fiction, a little carefree, lightweight girlie frippery...it's been quite fun. Well, my kind of fun anyway. See what a couple gift cards to Barnes n Noble for my Birthday get me? Guess I should probably go play with my kids and pay some attention to Paul as I'm thinking I've probably shunned everyone a bit while I was lost in the worlds of vampires, lonely small-town folk and post-World War II island recovery. Oh how I love getting lost in a book!!

Just one of those days...

...where I want to pull my hair out and I'd welcome the thought of an inbox of work or a day full of monotonous meetings if it meant I could escape the insanity and chaos of this place I call home. It's a world of poorly napped (well, one hasn't even napped, hence the problem) children which has led to 2 cling-on children, a reign of terror and mayhem, and a kitchen of incomplete chores.
I knew having two children close in age would lead to some rough days and a more hectic pace to life for awhile. I knew the first couple of years could prove lively and full; so I'm trying to remind myself that today was one of those "full" days...full of constant messes, full of picking-up after children, full of fussing and neediness.

Full day of dishes...I'm not sure I do much else each day besides make 3 meals a day and 2 snacks, so the dishes are a constant battle...and if you don't do them right away, then they grow and multiply and begin to take over the kitchen...hence...

And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that quiet = big trouble. So as I'm in one room cleaning up a mess and attempting to put away laundry that has been clean for 3 days, yet remained folded (then later unfolded by an 11 month old) in the laundry basket and finally getting put away in dressers in the girl's rooms, there is yet another disaster unfolding in the other room...

The shy yet confident dilemma...

From very early on we were able to recognize that Olivia was a more reserved, shy child when out and about in public. She was never a smiley, happy-go-lucky baby and, myself being one of those reserved types, I get it and it has rarely bothered me that she's on the shy side. Well, that's not completely true, it does bother me sometimes, but not for the reason one would expect. Because I have been shy my whole life, I want so much more for her and I want her to enjoy life more and try new things that I, myself, have been too reluctant to try. I guess I know how much she is missing out on by hiding within her shy facade. And yes, it's a facade because that girl is anything but shy when she's in comfortable territory with people she's comfortable around.

At her parent conference at preschool a month ago, the teachers mentioned that she's really begun to open up to the other children at school and she talks a bit more and is just less hesitant and reserved, although she's not exactly bounding through the doors and chatting up the other kids yet either. But there has been improvement which means she's found a comfort zone at school, which I have obviously noticed as well. I mentioned in the conference that I worry about her self-confidence, as I know what it's like being shy and lacking confidence, and Ms. Donna says "Oh, I don't think she lacks confidence at all. She knows what she likes and doesn't like and she's not afraid to speak her mind if she needs to." Oh. Yes, that is confidence. No, she doesn't ooze confidence, nor does she streak around like some kids without thinking twice about her actions. She is a very deliberate kid and she does know what she wants. And if she really cares about it, she'll let you know. What an excellent point and something I really needed pointed out to me. I need to stop putting my own confidence issues on my kid and let her be who she is.

I remember awhile back Amy was worried that Olivia wasn't speaking up for herself and that Hayley might have been too aggressive while playing with Olivia and I assured her that Olivia would stand up for herself. And sure enough, we soon witnessed Olivia telling Hayley not to do something and Olivia removed herself from the situation. Sure, Olivia sometimes lets other kids take toys from her hands and she can be passive at times, but when it really matters to Liv and when she really cares about something, she lets everyone know. And I love that about her.


Yes, she's shy, but nothing I can do will change that. I guess the thing I need to figure out is whether to keep encouraging her to get past her shyness ("say hi to ___", "give ___ a hug", "go over there and play with your friends!") or do I let her hide behind me, cling to my leg or sit beside me while all the other kids joyously parade across the playground, and trust that I'm meeting her needs? And if I do push her, will I eventually erode that confidence she does have? But if I don't push her a bit, will she lose that confidence as well?

The Monkey in the Crib

If you've ever enjoyed the energetic motion of monkeys in a cage at a zoo, you may have seen them climb back and forth along the front of the cage, either a bit excited or a bit agitated by your presence outside the cage. I've seen tiny tamarind monkeys do this and they go back and forth, left to right across the bars of the cage. What brought monkeys and their frenetic climbing to mind? Malia in her crib. Last night as I put her back in her crib after attempting everything else to get her back to sleep, she cruises back and forth along the rail of her crib never taking her eyes off me, just as the monkeys do. She watches me as she goes back and forth and back and forth...she has a slight smile on her face, but you can see she's waiting for me to make a move to leave and she's got the howl prepared for it. So we just eye each other and I smile as I realize that not only does she remind me of those silly monkeys, but that's she also got my number...I don't want her to howl so I won't be leaving the room.