From very early on we were able to recognize that Olivia was a more reserved, shy child when out and about in public. She was never a smiley, happy-go-lucky baby and, myself being one of those reserved types, I get it and it has rarely bothered me that she's on the shy side. Well, that's not completely true, it does bother me sometimes, but not for the reason one would expect. Because I have been shy my whole life, I want so much more for her and I want her to enjoy life more and try new things that I, myself, have been too reluctant to try. I guess I know how much she is missing out on by hiding within her shy facade. And yes, it's a facade because that girl is anything but shy when she's in comfortable territory with people she's comfortable around.
At her parent conference at preschool a month ago, the teachers mentioned that she's really begun to open up to the other children at school and she talks a bit more and is just less hesitant and reserved, although she's not exactly bounding through the doors and chatting up the other kids yet either. But there has been improvement which means she's found a comfort zone at school, which I have obviously noticed as well. I mentioned in the conference that I worry about her self-confidence, as I know what it's like being shy and lacking confidence, and Ms. Donna says "Oh, I don't think she lacks confidence at all. She knows what she likes and doesn't like and she's not afraid to speak her mind if she needs to." Oh. Yes, that is confidence. No, she doesn't ooze confidence, nor does she streak around like some kids without thinking twice about her actions. She is a very deliberate kid and she does know what she wants. And if she really cares about it, she'll let you know. What an excellent point and something I really needed pointed out to me. I need to stop putting my own confidence issues on my kid and let her be who she is.
I remember awhile back Amy was worried that Olivia wasn't speaking up for herself and that Hayley might have been too aggressive while playing with Olivia and I assured her that Olivia would stand up for herself. And sure enough, we soon witnessed Olivia telling Hayley not to do something and Olivia removed herself from the situation. Sure, Olivia sometimes lets other kids take toys from her hands and she can be passive at times, but when it really matters to Liv and when she really cares about something, she lets everyone know. And I love that about her.
Yes, she's shy, but nothing I can do will change that. I guess the thing I need to figure out is whether to keep encouraging her to get past her shyness ("say hi to ___", "give ___ a hug", "go over there and play with your friends!") or do I let her hide behind me, cling to my leg or sit beside me while all the other kids joyously parade across the playground, and trust that I'm meeting her needs? And if I do push her, will I eventually erode that confidence she does have? But if I don't push her a bit, will she lose that confidence as well?
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